Skip the cocaine. Best case scenario, you become a bad person for a half hour and then need more coke; worst case, you end up homeless or dead.
Don’t judge things that make you jealous and don’t lie about the jealousy. Just say you wish you had something and figure out if there’s a way to get it.
Good writers hate bad writing but hating bad writing doesn’t make you good. Writing badly does.
Luck and talent are the same thing, and neither of them have anything to do with your value as a human being.
When someone gives you a compliment, and you tell them they’re wrong, you’re not being humble, you’re being rude.
People attempting to prove you’re a bad person will shut up if you admit it, and they’ll leave you alone if you ask them to help you be better.
You’re going to marry Erin McGathy so try to be up front about that with all the women you date for the next 27 years.
You can’t control the outcome of your actions, so make your actions fulfilling. That way, if the outcome is shit, you weren’t a total sucker.
Brush your teeth at night and cut down on the carbs. Gawker and TMZ don’t scour the archives for your only hot photo.
—and this would be why the Ask post exists.
I think they’re different doors to the same house. Sometimes I think the house exists and sometimes I don’t… It is the great mystery.